Thursday, February 21, 2008

Clinton, Obama Court Barracuda Votes


Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama took time today to speak to AFP Basketball prior to their debate at the University of Texas. About two dozen AFP Basketball members past and present crammed into the AFP Main Conference room to listen to the candidates.

“No venue is too small to talk about real solutions to real problems,” Senator Clinton said. “Although this venue is pretty stinking small.”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re 0-3 or 3-0.” Senator Obama said. “A good, aggressive zone defense combined with a solid offensive strategy will lead to wins. Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!”

The candidates warmed up for the debate by trading barbs.

“Unlike Senator Clinton, I opposed man to man defense at the beginning of the season, and I’m against it now.” Obama said.

“Just compare our records,” Clinton said. “I was on an all star team in Arkansas, I led the woman’s White House basketball team to at 7-1 record and I’ve been successful in New York. My colleague has none of those accomplishments.”

“Real change comes from the outside,” Obama countered. “And my outside shot is true. My outside shot has a high arc. The American people want outside shooting, and the American people know that black men can ball.”

Clinton wasn’t done. “It is time to move from good words to good works -- from sound bites to sound solutions."

“That’s a nice sound bite,” Obama said.

Things turned nasty when Clinton equated the fight for the Democratic nomination to the “Rocky” movies. She compared herself to Rocky Balboa and Obama to “Clubber” Lang, the character played by Mr. T in Rocky III. “I have shown and I will show the American people the eye of the tiger.”

“I pity the fool who doesn’t vote for me,” Obama said. “And my prediction for March 4- pain!”

Clinton leapt across the table and began clawing at Obama’s face. Regrettably, no video cameras were present, so it will not appear on You Tube.

Those undecided before the candidates spoke were no closer to a decision after they had left. “Clinton’s got that crazy Joker smile that was distracting me,” Clint Owen said. “And Obama has them goofy taxi cab ears that make him look 12 years old. I’m not sure what I just saw.”

Clinton and Obama will debate tonight at 7:00 p.m.

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