Gilliland Announces Endorsement Deal

Justin Gilliland is proud to announce he has signed an exclusive deal with Wo-Tang Beef Corporation to market his own brand- GILLILAND’S BIG BEEF.

“This is pure East Texas beef, coming right at ya!” and excited Gilliland said. “I love beef so I’m pumped to be pushing my beef throughout America.”

Gilliland will be traveling to six states in the next seven days on a promotional tour, so keep an eye out for Gilliland’s Big Beef!

Products in the Gilliland’s Big Beef line include Gilliland Tenderloin, Gilliland Capital T Bone, Gilliland 50/50 Bat O Beef, Gilliland Extra Long Hot Dogs, and Lil’ Gil’s Turkey Gravy.

Also try Gilliland’s Fat Sausage- guaranteed 20% thicker than ordinary sausage or your money back!

Gilliland’s Big Beef also unveiled their marketing slogan- “Dinner’s coming- shoot it!”

The AFP Blue Barracudas are proud to enjoy Gilliland’s Big Beef and Gilliland’s Fat Sausage.

BARRACUDA SUSPENDED!

Mike Lannan has been suspended for one game for violating the teams substance abuse policy as well as a clause in his contract.

Lannan, who missed the Barracudas last game with a high ankle sprain, was reportedly undergoing physical rehabilitation at his Cedar Park home. Instead of recuperating from his injury, however, he has been in Tijuana, Mexico for the last week, specifically at the popular local bar “Zapata.” It was this deceit that led Barracuda team officials to activate the seldom used “Liar Liar Pants on Fire” clause in Lannan’s contract.

He will miss Wednesday’s game against the Dell Troubleshooters.

“The team’s official position is that we discourage drinking and drug use during the season,” a team spokesman said. “Unofficially, we let them do what they want. We’re kind of like bad parents that way. All that we just ask they they not be photographed. But Mike’s always loved the camera. And, to be fair, the camera loves him, too.”

Lannan was unavailable for comment, but he responded to the controversy through a prepared statement. “Tequila has heretofore undiscovered homeopathic properties,” Lannan said, via the statement. “It is unfortunate that the Barracudas organization is not open to new healing techniques. I also think that they are doody heads.”

Per league rules, Lannan will be docked one games pay.

Barracudas Activate Brian Kruser

The AFP Blue Barracudas activated Brian Kruser from Injured Reserve today. The journeyman forward played for the Dallas Downtown Dunkin’ Destroyers last season and was picked up as a free agent by the Barracudas in the off-season. He is expected to see his first action tomorrow night as a Barracuda. Injuries kept him out of the Barracudas first two games.

Owen Cleared of All Charges

Starsky Owen was cleared today of all charges relating to his January 28th arrest in Round Rock. The incident, involving Kool-Aid and markers, was classified as “a misunderstanding” by Owen’s agent, Cranky McCrooked. At a press conference announcing his client’s release, Mr. McCrooked said “Yeah! Take that legal system!”

According to a prepared statement, the Barracudas are “relieved that these troubles are behind him” and that “we support Owen 100%- but not any more than that. We’re not one of those teams that supports our players and impossible 110% or 120%. 100% is as high as we go. Well, okay, 98% is really as high as we go, but there’s got to be room for improvement, right?”

Owen is expected to rejoin the team in time for Wednesday’s game against the Dell Troubleshooters

Barracudas Sign Clint Owen

The Barracudas signed free agent guard Clint Owen for the remainder of the 2008 Winter season bringing Owen back to the team that originally drafted him.

Owen was drafted out of high school by the AFP Basketball team Vertically Challenged. Owen clashed frequently with team manager Mark Meyer during the team’s tumultuous Fall 2001 season in which Vertically Challenged finished in last place with a dismal 1-7 record. Owen demanded a trade after the season. Meyer refused and Owen quit basketball altogether to play minor league football instead. Meyer was removed as manager shortly thereafter.

Current team manager and starting center Sam Holland has no reservations about reacquiring the troubled guard. “He’s a great addition to the team,” Holland said. “He can dribble and everything.” He did not reveal details of the deal, but sources close to the team reveal that they are incredibly cheap.

Holland and Starsky Owen are the only two remaining players from 2001 team. “I feel like I’m coming home” Owen said. “That is, if my home were a dysfunctional mess full of prima donnas.”

To make room on the roster, the Barracudas moved Jeremiah Cargill to their Y League affiliate, the Vista Vending Machines.

Congratulations to Uber Fan Danielle Hill!

Danielle Hill was the big winner Wednesday night as the AFP Blue Barracudas fell to 78729 53- 43. As the only true, hardcore fan who showed up to cheer the Barracudas on, she recieved all 100 K-Rich Bobbleheads! What she's going to do with them is anyone's guess, but we here at Barracuda Central bet that her family will be getting bobbleheads for Christmas!

Barracudas 43, 78729 53

Bleh.